5 Ways to stay connected for a commuting Dad!

There’s no easy way to say it, but commuting sucks, and as most commuting Dads know, it sometimes is a necessary struggle to provide. The number of commuters traveling more than 2 hours to work has increased by 10% over the past 14 years. These commuting numbers are just increasing with 10.8M workers traveling more than an hour each day.

As a father of six, my job has taken me away from home at least 3 nights a week. I live in a small rural area, but, like most US states, the jobs are in the city about 2 ½ hours away. Commuting has me worrying about missing the kid’s activities, extracurriculars and just being in proximity. And my wife worries about security, maintenance and running a house hold alone. My wife and I put a lot of thought into commuting before I took a commuting position and we decided that connectivity with each other and the children will be the litmus test on if the job is sustainable on our family. To combat this we decided on 5 connectivity activities that keep us close as a family.

1. Consistent Scheduling

When I wasn’t commuting we had a pretty clear regiment of wake up, breakfast, school and bed times. I’ve found that all my kids, ranging from 3-16, respond well to patterns and consistency. My wife and I decided that while I can’t be there in the mornings, I can in the evenings in the form of video chats and phone calls. Every night at 8 o’clock, I FaceTime the family and we have a conversation about how the day went. I have individual conversations about school and the day and what they look forward to in the next day.

After the individual conversations we sit around device so I can see everyone and say good night. This technique has provided a form of consistent contact with Dad. They know they can see me every night at the same time. This also includes my wife. After my conversations with the kids and they go to bed, her and I are able to catch up about the day.

2. Sharing Interests over texts

All my children are huge Marvel fans. But my oldest daughter is almost a fanatic. In her spare time she watches all of the YouTube Easter egg, deep dive, and parody and theory videos. As the oldest, she uses her status to take complete control of the TV and in so doing, her siblings have also become enamored while my wife is pretty much marveled out. Learning about what my oldest likes has me doing some research in my down time. This research usually consist of learning when the release dates of trailers are or if there is some great new meme out there that I know my daughter will like. Just last night, I saw that Marvel has dropped a new Spiderman trailer. I forwarded the link to her and she was super excited. We had a text chat about what she liked about it and what her theories are of the movie’s plot.

Each of my children are different. They like different things and have different interests, but I’ve found that when I’m gone, sometimes the sharing of a meme, link to music, pics of my day or texts about their interests spark conversations and creates connectivity over distance.

3. Games

Like most Dad’s, I have always struggled with patience while playing a board game with my little ones. They always seem to be messing up the board, or eating the dice or rippling the cards causing the lack of an orderly winnable game. Now a board game over FaceTime just gives me anxiety thinking about it, however, having a game throughout the week that you can report your progress on or any game not needing objects during your schedule FaceTime sessions is a fun way to stay connected. Some examples are:

• Counting your steps and see who got the most at the end of the day

• Finders. This a game where the family decides on an object or objects a person has to see throughout their day. Whoever finds it or finds it the most wins.

• Would you rather.

• I spy. This game is fun for the kids to be familiar with your surroundings during your video chat.

Whatever the game, simplicity is key.

4. Ensure you talk to your wife alone

I know where some of your thoughts are going, but this isn’t that. During the day and into the evening battles of herding kids, my wife’s energy and attention is stretched over how many kids we have divided by how many things she has to do times the time frame she has to do it in. It is imperative that the two of us are able to speak to each other away from distractions. Some days I am the only adult she converses with. Having grownup conversations is more important that we all realize. If I call during a time when kids are eating, going to school or even trying to do homework, I’ve become one more thing she has to deal with an it may cause resentment and at the very least more frustration. Sometimes this means I call again after my family time, or I call during lunch break.

5. Make future plans together

We are a huge Disney family. We love Disney movies, cartoons and especially love Disneyland. I know most fathers get worked up thinking about a trip with all the kids to a hugely populated area hundreds of miles way and the spending of thousands of dollars, I feel all it as well But I love going to Disneyland with my kids. We’ve been blessed to go every few years and each time the kids have had a blast basking in the experience and magic of the place.

We are planning another trip in the near future. During my evening calls, I ask them what they are most excited about seeing at Disneyland and then I ask how we are going to do it while we are there? This puts my older kids in a planning mode and they immediately begin researching the park and putting a list of “to dos”. It gives us great conversations during the evening and we all feel involved.

While Disneyland may be our thing, camping, road trips or even going to a sit down restaurant is something the kids can help plan and get excited for. It creates a common interest and talking point.

Commuting is definitely a challenge. I don’t believe that it will go away, but staying connected makes the experience bearable and in some ways, it has brought me closer to my kids.